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Redneck joke of the day

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Thursday 30th of July:

You Might be a Redneck if.......Your wife's only jewelry is an ankle tag. :haha
 
Friday 31st of July:

You Might be a Redneck if.......Neighbors stay indoors when you walk your dogs.

Sat/Sun 1st/2nd of August:

You Might be a Redneck if.......You've mailed recipe suggestions to Chef Boyardee
 
Monday 3rd of August:

You Might be a Redneck if.......You've never looked your wife in the eye since she had her boob job. :haha

Tuesday 4th of August:

You Might be a Redneck if.......You consider your chain saw a musical instrument.
 
Ya might be a Redneck if.....
...You think the nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
...You wont stop at a rest area if you have a empty beer can in the car.
...You think Iraq is top-of-the-line Camaro.
...Your spring wardrobe mostly involves scissors.
...you know at least 6 ways to bend a baseball cap.
...you own a lava lamp thats over 5 feet tall.
...there are more than 10 cats living under your trailer.
...you've ever thrown up in a squad car.
...your first bra was a Wonder bra.
...you've ever had to appear in court due to your dogs.
...You think Thunderbird is an acceptable wine choice with a bean burrito.
...your grandma enters wet t-shirt contests.
...your local grocery store also has a few pool tables.
...your septic tank is the subject of a petition.
...you have ever tried to use food stamps to mail a watermelon.
...you had to hitchhike on your honeymoon.
...your car and its motor are more than ten feet apart.
...stealing road signs is a family outing.
...your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
...you sent out birth announcements for your new puppies.
...you've changed a diaper on a Denny's table.
...you've ever named a child for a good dog.
...your T.V. is on 24-7.
...your last keg party included a couple of 911 calls.
...you have to mow around a refrigerator and a bed frame.
...you've ever taken a date flowers you stole from a cemetery.
...Everyone in the house learns something from the potty training videotape.
...Diners change tables when your family sits near them.
...your prom dress was knitted.
...you were born with a plastic spoon in your mouth.
...your bridal veil was made of window screen.
...you think people who have electricity are uppity.
...your college graduation ceremony includes parallel parking an 18-wheeler.
...the Marlboro man is your idol.
...all your golf balls come in egg cartons.
 
Wednesday 5th of August:

You Might be a Redneck if.......Your family motto came from a truck commercial.
 
rey_1178 said:
Ya might be a Redneck if.....
...Your spring wardrobe mostly involves scissors.
...your septic tank is the subject of a petition.

...your car and its motor are more than ten feet apart.
...you've ever named a child for a good dog.
...you have to mow around a refrigerator and a bed frame.
Click to expand...

:hahaLMAO! Those were great Rey! :D
 
Rednecks flying home
Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, "The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind."

One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.

Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied the other Redneck. "Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!"
 
You May Be A Redneck Pilot If...
... your stall warning plays "Dixie."

... your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points.

... you think sectionals charts should show trailer parks.

... you've ever used moonshine as avgas.

... you have mud flaps on your wheel pants.

... you think GPS stands for going perfectly straight.

... your toothpick keeps poking your mike.

... you constantly confuse Beech-craft with Beechnut.

... just before impact, you are heard saying, "Hey y'all, watch this!"

... you have a black airplane with a big #3 on the side.

... you've ever just taxied around the airport drinking beer.

... you use a Purina feed bag for a windsock.

... you fuel your whizzbang 140 from a Mason jar.

... you wouldn't be caught dead flyin' a Grumman "Yankee."

... you refer to flying in formation as "We got ourselves a convoy!"

... there is a sign on the side of your aircraft advertising your septic tank service.

... when you are the owner of Red Neck Airlines and pilot of Redneck One.

... you subscribe to The Southern Aviator because of the soft paper!

... you have ever incorporated sheet-rock into the repair of your aircraft.

... you have ever responded to ATC with the phrase "That's a big 10-4!"

... you typically answer female controllers with titles like "sugar" or "little darlin'."

... she responds with the words "Honey" or "Big guy" then she may be a redneck.

... you have ever used a relief tube as a spittoon.

... you glance down at your belt buckle to help you remember your N-number.

... you have ever tried to impress your girlfriend by buzzing her double-wide.

... the preprinted portion of your weight and balance sheet contains "Case of Bud."

... your go/no-go checklist includes the words "Skoal" or "Red-man."
 
Thursday 6th of August:

You Might be a Redneck if.......You wash your Chevy and discover it's a Ford.
 
These two rednecks go hunting one afternoon. While they are out, one of them all of a sudden falls over and quits breathing. The other redneck pulls out his cellphone and calls 911. He says, "O my gosh, my friend Bubba just fell down on the ground and quit breathin. I think he might be dead." Well, the 911 employee says "Make sure he's dead." The redneck says "Okay, give me a second." All of a sudden, they hear a loud bang. The redneck picks the phone back up and says "Yup, he's dead alrite."
 
You Might Be A Redneck Jedi Knight If...
You ever uttered the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.

At least one wing of your X-wing is primer colored.

You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.

You describe the taste of an Ewok as "jus' like chicken."

You have ever had a B-wing up on blocks in your yard.

The worst part of spending time on planet Dagobah is "them dadgum skeeters."

Wookies are offended by your B.O.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you wouldn't have to wait for a commercial.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot!"

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

You have a confederate flag painted on your flight helmet.

You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

You kinda think that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

You have ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader's evil empire "them damn Yankees."

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

In your opinion, that Cee-Threepio fellow "just ain't right."

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a Lazy-Boy recliner.

The REAL reason you got into a fight in the cantina was because you ordered Bud Light...and they didn't have it.

You knew Princess Leia was your sister all along.
 
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